Your baby’s cry is a powerful language essential for his own survival. Nature has designed the pitch of every baby’s cry to tear at his own parents’ heart strings, and tests have proved that adult blood pressure and anxiety levels do go up at the sound of a crying baby. So don’t be surprised when your baby's cries upset you - they’re designed to!

Why is your baby crying?
Is it colic?
Is he ill?
Meningitis
Calming a crying baby
Keeping sane

Babies cry on average for one and a half to two hours daily, so you have to remember that crying is normal. A baby can only communicate in a few basic ways, and crying is his foremost communication tool. In the early weeks he is completely helpless and the only language he knows to get you to respond to him is to cry.

However, some babies do cry more than others and may be difficult to comfort. When a baby seems to cry all the time it can be very hard to cope with, and your anxiety and tension may make him worse.

Here are some reasons why your baby might be crying:

Is he hungry? Babies’ needs change dramatically from one month to the next, and like adults, sometimes they are more hungry than others. So, if your baby is crying, first offer him some milk

Does he need physical comfort? Most babies benefit from being held and cuddled and are far more likely to doze off contentedly in your arms than lying in a cot Is your baby uncomfortable? Perhaps he has trapped wind after a feed - pick him up and hold him gently upright - a burp might be all that he needs Does his nappy need changing? Some babies hate having a dirty nappy, others don’t mind at all. Sometimes changing his nappy distracts him, and you, from his crying

Is your baby too hot? Too cold? Young babies are not very good at maintaining an even temperature. Does he look red in the face and feel hot? Or is he pale with cold feet and hands? Ideally, for a baby dressed in a vest and sleepsuit, the room temperature should be around 20°C

Is he over stimulated? For a newborn, the little shocks and changes of everyday life can be too much - a loud noise, bright lights, an unexpected face, too much laughter, a sneeze. These are all minor events to us, but to a newborn these new experiences can be very distressing

Is he bored? You cannot expect a baby to lie in his cot for long when he is wide awake without interaction and play. This is an important part of learning. If he is bored, pick him up and talk gently to him

If you have eliminated all other possibilities and your baby is still crying constantly, particularly during the evening, he may be suffering from colic. This is a common cause of crying, and is very distressing for parents and babies. The baby screams as if in pain, goes red in the face and sometimes pulls his knees up to his tummy. Bouts of colic can last for hours, and often end with the baby passing wind or a motion, then settling down. Colic is sometimes referred to as three month colic because babies usually only suffer from it during their first three months. The cause of colic is unknown and there is no guaranteed cure, but if your baby seems to be suffering from this type of pain, consult your doctor.

Your doctor will check that your baby is healthy, and reassure you that it is ‘just’ colic. There are plenty of remedies you can try to ease the symptoms: Colic drops These contain simethicone which helps break down bubbles in milk feeds in the stomach, allowing swallowed air to be brought up more easily by the baby

Homeopathic colic granules These are available from a chemist’s, or you may prefer to visit a homeopath A dummy This can help satisfy the baby’s need to suck and reduce the level of crying

Gently rubbing his tummy in a clockwise direction with a little almond oil. This comforts some babies and may relax the parents a little, too! Try not to feel inadequate or guilty - you may simply have to accept that your baby is going to cry, but it is only temporary and the bouts of colic will eventually cease

When babies are inconsolable, parents begin to wonder if their baby is ill. It is important to reassure yourself, so do not be embarrassed or afraid to consult your doctor or health visitor if you feel there is something wrong.

Contact your doctor for advice if:

Your baby has a fever
He is drowsy
He is vomiting and/or has diarrhoea
He is refusing feeds
You feel worried or concerned about his condition

Doctors know that babies get ill quickly (and thankfully recover quickly too). They are used to giving advice over the telephone, and ill babies are given priority appointments by most doctors.

If your baby is crying and seems unwell, you may be worried about the possibility of meningitis. Meningitis is a rare illness, but it is frightening because it develops very quickly and has similar symptoms to much milder conditions. It can be hard to diagnose, even for doctors.

A baby with meningitis may have some of the following symptoms:

A fever A blank and staring expression
Vomiting or refusing feeds
Fretful with a high pitched moaning cry when handled
Difficult to rouse

The soft spot on the top of his head (fontanelle) may be tense or bulging Neck retraction (where the neck is arched backwards)

Fingers and toes may look blue and feel cold even though he has a high temperature

A pale, blotchy complexion and a rash which does not fade on pressure (see how to do the glass test)

If you suspect meningitis contact a doctor immediately. If your doctor is unavailable ring for an ambulance.

Assuming you’ve met his basic needs and he isn’t ill, hungry or in need of a clean nappy, you could try some of the following tried and tested methods for calming your baby:

Put him in a sling and carry him close to you Try rocking him. You can hold him in your arms and walk around with him or rock together in a rocking chair. Or you can rock him in his cradle or pram

Try swaddling him. Some babies feel happier firmly wrapped in a cotton sheet. Swaddling often calms babies because of the comforting contact with something warm and soft and the sense of being held firmly

Take him out for a walk in the fresh air, either in a sling or in his pram Try a car ride round the block. However, this is a desperate measure and not one to get into the habit of using!

Run a warm bath and get into it with your baby Sing to your baby; it may at least drown out his cries for a while and help keep you calm

Try leaving him to cry for a few minutes - some babies actually need to cry themselves to sleep

If things don’t improve, you might consider taking your baby to a cranial osteopath. During the birth process, particularly if it was a difficult one, the pressures on his head may have caused an imbalance in the skull which is causing him discomfort. A cranial osteopath very gently manipulates the skull to correct the displacement of the cranial bones. Many parents have found that one or two visits to a cranial osteopath eases the problem of excessive crying. Always go to a qualified practitioner; contact the Osteopathic Centre for Children* for more information.

Don’t think you are spoiling your baby if he needs lots of cuddling and enjoys being carried round with you. Human babies are designed to be carried. An American study observed that the young of animals fell into two categories - cache or carry. Either they were meant to be left for long periods in the nest while their parents hunted for food (cache) or they were meant to be carried by parents all the time while the parents were hunting (carry).

The authors of the study concluded that human babies definitely fell into the carry category. They based their conclusion on the fact that human breast milk, with its low protein content, indicates that babies should be fed frequently - every two to three hours (they aren’t designed to be left alone for long periods), and that a human baby has reflexes which represent clinging and attachment to the mother.

Remember that your baby is an individual, and crying is his way of expressing himself. As long as you continue to respond to his needs and give him your love there may not be much more you can do, but remind yourself that things will get better in time. No matter how tired and low you are feeling, never blame yourself for the crying.

Trust your own judgement - you know your baby better than anyone else. Don’t let the well-meaning advice of others put you off - people will tell you that you need to do this, or that they always did that, but if you follow your instincts you and your baby will find a way of coping together.

These are some of the things you can do to help you cope with a crying baby: Don’t panic. Crying is normal, healthy and natural Relax as much as you can; play your favourite music or use the relaxation breathing you learned at antenatal classes

If the crying is really jangling your nerves, put your baby in a safe place (in his cot or pram, for example) and leave the room until you feel calmer Ask a friend or relative to take over while you take a break. Just having a hour to yourself while someone else wheels the baby around the park can make you feel in charge of your life again

Take care of yourself. Try and do something you enjoy for part of each day, so you still have the energy to give your crying baby as much love and attention as you can

Get help - a crying baby can drive you to distraction, so keep a list of people and helplines you can turn to at the low times Telephone Serene for someone to talk to who understands what you are going through Never, ever shake or hit your baby. If you get to the point where you feel you might hurt him, you need help. Put him down in his cot, go into another room, calm down and call a friend